The Grass is Greener

Linda Popielarczyk, a registered social worker in Toronto, finds that may people have exaggerated ideas about the therapeutic power of divorce to produce happiness. These people believe that their marriages made them unhappy; that divorce will make the discontent disappear; that sex and life will miraculously get better after divorce.

Popielarczyk says that divorce often represents a significant loss for adults, even when children are not involved. The longer the marriage, the greater the likelihood that ‘the relationship’ forms a significant part of one’s identity.

“People need to process what the separation means to them on an emotional level; to consider the marriage/relationship in terms of what was good, what was not so good, and how they may have contributed; and, who they are and want to become, as individuals, separate from the relationship.” When a marriage ends, a person should inventory the experience for lessons learned from the old relationship, or else risk a replay of the dynamics in subsequent relationships.”